hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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