Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
