I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
