the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
