I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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