I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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