Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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