I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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