oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
