Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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