I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
