Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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