woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
