When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we're so committed to being not committed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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