I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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