Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
