i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
