Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
