Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
