Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
