I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
