And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
