I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
