I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
