There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
