Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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