i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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