sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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