i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
