Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
