I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
