i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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