Your tits are I can't wait for
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize