I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
