His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
