So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
