I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
