I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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