literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
