Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
