I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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