Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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