It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
