So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
