when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We just shotgunned beers for America
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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