i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
be right there i have to get my cape
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
