like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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