i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
