hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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