Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
