Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize