Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize