I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
