3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
