Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
