I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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