just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
