I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
