GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
