dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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