Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
