Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
