we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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