If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
