I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
