first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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