He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
