My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize