People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
