Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
