listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize