you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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