Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
